We’ve all seen it. Name-calling, ridiculing, spreading rumors, or even hitting.

But how do you tell the difference between bullying and behavior that’s just … mean?

It can be a challenge, especially considering the fact that most youth don’t tell an adult when they’ve been bullied. It’s up to parents to recognize and identify the behavior and respond accordingly.

At the U.S. Center for SafeSport, our goal is to make every athlete feel safe, supported, and strengthened. We believe that youth sports should be fun and confidence-boosting, but bullying can seriously impact an athlete’s physical and mental health. The sooner we recognize and respond to bullying behavior, the sooner caring and engaged parents and coaches can foster supportive environments to help athletes thrive on and off the field.

So, what is bullying? And how do we spot it – and stop it?

What does bullying look like?

Bullying might not be easy to pinpoint, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. In fact, according to one study by the U.S. Department of Education and U.S. Department of Justice, about 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide. The key to stopping it is knowing what bullying looks like in action.

Maybe you’ve seen two athletes get into a heated argument after a game or start throwing punches in the locker room. While bullying and conflict can look similar, bullying behavior is defined as repeated or severe aggressive behaviors directed at a minor. And it comes in many forms, from verbal bullying to physical bullying to social or even sexual bullying and more.

Taunting, spitting at one another, or actively excluding someone from a team event can be hurtful in the moment, but when bullying behaviors are repeated or severe, they can have serious long-lasting impacts on those being targeted.

We’ve heard of examples of athletes spreading emotionally damaging rumors about another athlete online, or instances in which an athlete was threatened with violence or physically intimidated until they quit the team. And it’s well known that athletes who bully often zero in on those who have less social power than they do, focusing on factors like weight, disability, physical appearance, race, and/or gender identity.

Intervening early makes a difference.

Whether you’re on the court coaching your child’s team or you’re on the sidelines handing out orange slices, parents and coaches serve as the eyes and ears of the team. You are positioned to recognize and respond to inappropriate behavior early before it escalates into something more.

Five actions you can take to prevent bullying:

  • Set behavioral expectations upfront. If you’re a parent or coach, let your child or the athletes on your team know what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Allow the athletes to be a part of this process, letting them co-create the norms for team behavior.
  • Model appropriate and respectful behavior. Treat every athlete on the team with equity, respect, and kindness and use language that is intentionally supportive.
  • Promote team cohesion and bonding. Use encouragement and positive feedback to improve camaraderie, boosting unity and morale.
  • Hold athletes accountable to expectations and policies. Make sure athletes know that they’ll be held accountable for their actions. Be sure to always promote accountability, not punishment, and outwardly reward inclusive behavior.
  • Respond to misconduct immediately and consistently. When misconduct occurs, address it immediately. Remember that if you address one incident but ignore another, you’re sending mixed messages about what behaviors are acceptable. You can break a pattern before it takes hold.

Sports should be safe, welcoming spaces where every athlete feels like they belong. As a parent or youth coach, you have the power to foster a culture of respect and inclusion.

The U.S. Center for SafeSport provides educational resources for parents and coaches to help make sure young athletes feel safe. Our Bullying Prevention Handbook for coaches of Minor Athletes provides useful tools and tactics to create the most enriching sport experience possible for athletes. For more tools to help you recognize, prevent, and respond to abuse in sport, visit uscenterforsafesport.org/abuse-prevention-resources.

If you or someone you know has experienced abuse or misconduct by a participant of the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Movement, you can make a report to the U.S. Center for SafeSport: https://uscenterforsafesport.org/report-a-concern/ 

Photo of the Author JJu’Riese Colón is the Chief Executive Officer of the U.S. Center for SafeSport, the nation’s only nonprofit organization committed to ending all forms of abuse in sport. As CEO, Ju’Riese leads the strategic vision and direction of the organization to ensure every athlete is safe, supported, and strengthened through support. An experienced child advocate who serves as an expert on issues related to child safety, Ju’Riese has led prevention and outreach initiatives with youth-serving organizations serving families, educators, law enforcement, and diverse communities. She earned bachelor’s degrees in criminal justice and Spanish from Virginia Commonwealth University.

Ju’Riese Colón is the Chief Executive Officer of the U.S. Center for SafeSport, the nation’s only nonprofit organization committed to ending all forms of abuse in sport. As CEO, Ju’Riese leads the strategic vision and direction of the organization to ensure every athlete is safe, supported, and strengthened through support. An experienced child advocate who serves as an expert on issues related to child safety, Ju’Riese has led prevention and outreach initiatives with youth-serving organizations serving families, educators, law enforcement, and diverse communities. She earned bachelor’s degrees in criminal justice and Spanish from Virginia Commonwealth University.

Photos provided  by the U.S. Center for SafeSport