Asking for recommendation letters is an important part of the private school admissions process. These letters can help your child stand out by highlighting interests, strengths and personality.

When written by someone who knows your child well, recommendation letters add depth to the application. However, asking for these letters can be uncomfortable and awkward. Consider these factors when asking:

Choose the right people

Pick individuals who know your child well in academic or leadership roles—teachers, coaches, or mentors with relevant positions. Let them know why you choose them to write the letter. They should be able to speak to your child’s strengths, passions, and character.

Ask at the right time

Depending on your desired school’s application process, in general, the best time to ask is in October to mid-November, giving teachers and advisors enough time to write before deadlines. Or, approach your child’s summer coach as they finish up the season practice.

Be respectful when asking

Recognize that writing a recommendation takes time. Let them know why you value their input, and be clear about your needs and deadlines. Indicate what is important to your child about the school applying to and how your child’s experience with the person relates. When asking, let the person know how soon you will need the letter and give them amply time to write it. Also, let them know what format, written or digital, that the school has asked for the letter to be in.

Follow up

If the deadline is approaching and you haven’t received the letter, a polite reminder is fine. It’s helpful to ask for the letter a week earlier than needed to avoid last-minute issues.

Express gratitude and share results

After submitting your application, be sure to send a thank-you note showing appreciation for their time. If your child is old enough, have them write it. When you are accepted into the school of choice circle back and let them know they were a key part to your acceptance.

These tips will help you secure meaningful recommendation letters for your application.